WOW!?!?!?!

I had not realized I had not posted myself in such a long time... I mean I come out here and read everyone else's on a pretty regular basis... who would have thought I hadn't been posting :-)


Well lots to update since last post... I have moved... got a house ... and Bree`na and I are loving it. I will get some pictures up soon.

Since we moved that means a new school for Bree`na...well kind of... :-) ... she is back in her old school (K-1st)... and her first week there she went to the 2nd grade math bowl... and won the entire thing over all second grades... so she calls me up tells me she got a trophy (I am at work when she calls me by the way ), and explains how she was the "last one standing" so to say... so I congratulate her and tell her I can't wait to see the trophy -- well I'm sure many of us have seen the trophies awarded to the little kids and you know the ones that fall apart easily like you were given from little league or pee-wee football... or even the spelling bee (although I have to say my state runner-up for spelling bee from fourth grade is in pretty good shape still :-) )... well i am thinking this trophy will be like all of these -- so I was excited on one hand that i didn't have to go out and by another frame for another certificate yet again (not really upset about having to do that I love posting her stuff up for her that she achieves)-- but on the other hand I was trying to figure out how I could let her know the trophy would be delicate and we would need to put it somewhere that it couldn't get accidentally broke when her friends came over and such... well when i got home and she proudly showed me her trophy I was "awe-struck" -- this trophy painted antique gold was a very VERY SOLID trophy-- heavy-- UNBREAKABLE -- the kind you see in murder-mystery movies that could be used as the weapon. I was so impressed with the school for giving such thought into a childs trophy these days that I didn't even tell her it would have to go high and "not - be - touched - except - to - dust" ... and the trophy to this day still has not made it to a shelf... it travels a lot to be shown to everyone.

Lets see what other things have happened...soooo much has that i'm not sure I could write it all down... I will tell you this (And our friend Ms Heidi may appreciate this little bit)... one of the first things Bree`na said after we got moved into our house was "mom, now we can walk around with just our robe on and not worry about anyone else being here or seeing us" OMG where did that come from --- hahaha... i would share some posts of my very good friend to show Bree`na that sometimes people are there when you don't expect them to be-- the only issue would be she has argued it already by saying " mom we have one neighbor, that could no way see in any of our windows unless they were in our front yard... and as they got into our yard we would know it ... and no way anyone could make it to our door without us knowing it first so delivery men would not get to catch us with our pants off because we could change real quick before they finished coming up the driveway"... go figure-- but still where does this child get the need for freedom like this at this AGE...seriously!?!?!?!

And now for a semi-closer... this is one of my many but probably my MOST, priceless moments with Bree`na this year... so many of you know Bree`na wants siblings --- LOTS of them... well she has decided that I am not marrying fast enough for her (no prospect yet, don't read too far into that), so while at dinner with my parents Bree`na begins to talk about me having a baby... she says that we need to start looking at the option of adopting, because she is getting older and is really wanting one now ... and if we adopt we could get any age we want -- she knows this because she looked it up (OMG)... so she was thinking about maybe a couple of babies and some four yr olds and some nine or ten yr olds too --- Yeah I know what your thinking--- you are cracking up going OMG--- wait it gets better... so my mother says "well what about mommy having a baby" to which Bree`na says " well she has to have a husband and it's taking her a long time, i don't want mommy to get tired of looking and then we not have any kids" ... my mother then says "well how about you and mommy go pick out the daddy -- you can pick the hair color how tall, the eye color and so much more -- then mommy can have a baby" (now to give you a little history I have had the baby itch for a long time and had mentioned to my mother way earlier this year that maybe I should just go the AI way... hence my mother telling my daughter we could go the AI.... got to love it)... this of course intrigued Bree`na to which she turned to me and said " could we really go do that mommy? , but do you have to go meet the guy after we pick him out?...." ... no i have to explain a few things and try to keep it light with her--- she is only 7 after all ... I say "yes we could, and no we don't have to meet him... the doctors will take care of everything and then make the baby for us..." ...my mother speaks up" they will put the very tiny baby inside mommy and you can watch it grow like your Aunt Amber's" ... Bree`na says" COOL, mom lets go do this" ... and the conversation is over for the night... the next night at our house Bree`na and I finish dinner and are sitting on the couch talking and what-not... she says " how do they get the egg inside you mommy?...is it big like the ones we eat?" ... my mouth of course falls open, all the while i am thinking i could shoot my mother for opening this "can of worms"... now I have to answer this -- be correct in my answers, but be light in them so not to scare her... my answer back was "no they aren't big like what we eat baby... they are very very small... remember on the doctor show when they had the microscope and was talking about making a baby... well that's what they would do... they get the egg from mommy and then they put it under the microscope and they make a baby... and then they put it back in mommy, and then hopefully they baby will be able to grow into a big healthy baby from that little bitty egg in several months." ... Bree`na then says "well where do they get the egg from you?" ... my answer " all girls are born with lots and lots of eggs so that when they get much much older they can have babies"... Bree`na excitedly says " really!?!?... that's great!... that must be why my belly hurts sometimes, I have eggs in me". HILARIOUS, right!?!?!?!? ... Thanks mom for allowing me the chance to have this conversation with my 7 year old... now I just can't wait for the day she comes home telling me she told someone at school that i am going to have a baby put in me or the day someone at church comes up and ask me about this.... got to LOVE it...What in the world am I to do now?!?!?!?! :-)


Okay more post later.... love you guys

Okay... Playing catch up...

The last few weeks have been riddled with doc appointments and stress that blogging was not the first thing on my mind :-) ... but I am okay now and ready to blog away... that being said i will be breaking this down into several blogs :-).

First let me tell you what's been up with the doc appts... My pacemaker has been going off quite a bit more then usual lately--- i was trying to chalk it up to stress --- but when you have to go to the ER more then once (try one to two times a week --sometimes more) in a month --- it might be time to get a second opinion on what the ER docs can't figure out. I went from being told it was stress to "if we can't figure it out and get your pulse rate steady and up -- along with your blood pressure, you might not make it much longer".... WOW! what words to hear ... so i schedule a appt with my cardiologist and my pcp -- things i had held off doing because i seriously believed it to be STRESS ... my pcp orders a few more catscans (still need to get these done), and my cardiologist gives me the answer that calms my nerves... I have a "leaky" heart :-) --- what this means is that one of my valves that help move the blood along doesn't quite close all the way so some blood goes the wrong way --- it's not too bad right now, but because when this happens it makes the heart "skip" a beat -- and my pacemaker is programmed to pick up these abnormalties-- my pacemaker goes off and does what it's suppose to --- the ANSWER has been given... now for the actions to take--- NONE :-) for now anyways--- just have to be monitored -- if it gets worse then surgery will be needed but for now I AM GOOD... however, he is running more test as well just to be sure nothing else is up --- got to love that "however" they love to throw in there.

So while that may not sound like good news to some .... it is great news to me for the simple fact i now KNOW what is going on. Now here is the food for thought... isn't it amazing how calming KNOWING makes us feel!?!... but in reality KNOWING does not really change the outcome... we fight against the unknown because we are not in control, and that scares us-- which offers the downward effect... but even KNOWING does not gives us complete control, because there can always be a surprise around the corner that will turn what you think you know into a whole new revelation. My goal for the next month is to "let go"... not worry about "knowing", but enjoy and LIVE to the fullest. As my message to myself says " Where I am right now is PERFECT". I love you guys that have helped me to get here.

40 Dates in 40 Nights

So as I mentioned in my last blog... I have gone a few dates. Because I have really tried focusing on my career and family first I have not really gone out since before Bree`na was born. So, I was talking with a friend and decided why not jump start this dating thing real quick... 1) I was quite uncomfortable with the dating idea anyway; 2) I don't know HOW to date :-) ; 3) I had no clue really where to meet people... my idea to jump start it was kind of like a drawn out "speed date" round -- you know where you date like ten people in one hour -- I was going to go on 40 Dates in 40 Nights. Sounded "out-of-this-world" ... my friend was like "how are you going to pull that off?" . So, I explained my thoughts --- I could do the whole uncomfortable dating thing with a different guy each night ... not really looking for "THE ONE" ... but just trying to get out there and understand how the dating world works these days... kind of a preparation to know what is expected. My plan was to do evening dates that were -- very public, but still fun and allowing for conversation... then if i liked them enough I could do a follow up lunch that would allow us to talk/connect on a deeper level or what not. My friend was intrigued at how i could make this work... so i embarked upon this journey :-).

Now the kicker was ... HOW was I going to get 40 guys!?!?!?! -- if I didn't know where to find guys before, what made me think i could find 40 for this. Instead of seeing this as a step-back, I seen this as an opportunity for inner change on my part... I'm not really all that shy but I definitely have never been forward on the "dating" front. So I got to thinking about the guys that have asked me out or shown interest over the last few months, and started making a list .... woohoo!! i had 12 candidates within minutes... not a bad start. Then with that list I came up with first dates that would be fun for those personalities and would allow us to get to know each other. Then as those people hit(means texted or called) me over the next few days, I let them know i was interested in a date and what I would like to do. As I went on these dates I also let them know up front I wasn't looking for anything serious right now... just trying to find some companionship --- "kewl people to hang with" --- and that I had many dates lined up --- just wanted to make sure not to mislead these guys... u know what I mean!?!?

So my journey began... I went on my first date... now to protect the innocence of all parties involved I have given nicknames to each candidate and will use those through out my stories.

First up was, Mr. Quick Committer. This gentleman is a record producer, and a very nice guy overall. I have known him for over a year, and he has tried to get em to go on a date several times. When I finally agreed to go on a date with him, he was definitely surprised and excited. We went to dinner at PF Changs, and then over to a Pool Hall to play a little billiards. Dinner was well, we had great conversation and I learned a little more about him... like he was wanting to settle down and start a family and so forth... now keep in mind I was upfront and let him know I had several other dates already lined up and what I was doing. When we get to the Pool Hall and we begin our first game, he gets down on a knee and ask me to marry him... yes MARRY HIM ... i was laughing thinking he was joking... but he was dead serious, saying "i know a good thing when i see it, and i don't want to let you get away from me" ... now I'm like WHOA!! ... okay this date has officially just gotten weird and needs to end... how do I do that without totally breaking the guy into pieces... hmmm ... I told him I'm not ready for marriage nor am I ready to continue the date with him because I didn't want to lead him on further. He asks me to stay and play and we can forget the "marriage" thing for now. I told him I was a bit uncomfortable and thought it best I go... I left and got several calls/text from him over the next couple of days, to which at first I just ignored and then I finally told him I just couldn't feel like making him think there might be hope when I knew I would not ever "be" with him.

Now, how was that for my first date back in the game!?!? ... Needless to say, it made me a little "iffy" to go on the rest of my dates. Mr. Quick Committer still text me ever once in a while to see if I have changed my mind yet... creepy, yet mildly funny :-) .

BTW... I have completed all 40 Dates and kept a great journal... to which all these post will be generated from... the next date will be posted soon... hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing and participating :-).

love ya

MYStory

I have been on this kick since June 08 to really just change my life... doing it slowly, but also quickly so as to get the most out of it :-) . I have been losing weight and getting healthier on that front (just 20 more pounds till my goal wooohooo!). I have changed some of the people I surround myself with -- I have learned this year that I don't need to "save" everybody -- I can only remain optimistic and positive if I surround my self with like people --- constantly trying to help those see that they can do for themselves when they don't want to is a "downer" to my personality. YAY! I finally get it... right !?! :-) I also have re-evaluated my priorities and what I feel I want to still get out of the life I still have to live before me.

Now I set out for this blog and the next few to be inspiring to those finding themselves in a lull, and entertaining or heartfelt to those who are content. They will be long and short... funny and sad... but all in all it's what has gotten me to where I am right here -- right now.

First I come from some very loving parents, and I have 4 sisters (2 older and 2 younger). I am definitely the entertainer and nurturer in the family. I love to see people happy and smiling. I try to always see the positive in every situation, and this year for a short time I found myself missing that piece.


Some of the things I have been through in my life include: sexual abuse, heart condition, someone else's life or death decision in my hands, actually flat lining on a softball field( caused me to get a pacemaker at 25), being solely responsible for family monetarily at a younger age then most, cancer scare, having a daughter who was on antibiotics (in and out of the hospital) constantly from age 2 weeks to 15 months before they finally discovered her immune deficiency -- then battling all medical bills because they were sure someone other then me could claim her for insurance -- and her not really having a normal start to childhood because of how easy she gets sick, facing one of my worst nightmares, and most recently witnessing a shoot-out that could have very easily taken me out.


I have survived... and I am a STRONG Woman! ... and I realized that while I have been living life, I haven't truly been enjoying life to it's fullest. So I decided recently it was time for change, and anyone who knows me -- knows I can do drastic changes without really a thought. I have been "cleaning" up my life over the last month... evaluating what hold me back and where I need to put more attention at. I have let people go that were holding me back, and met new people to inspire me to keep going. I have LAUGHED with all that I am on the inside again. I have put myself and my daughter first. I have gone on a few dates. I have come ALIVE! My walk with Jesus has actually gotten closer, because I truly believe that I needed to go through everything I have for a reason... and while the reasons may not be forthcoming yet I know they were good ones. At some point I may give more details on the incidents and how they have changed me today, but for now I will focus on what change i have made.

One is the weight-- every woman loves when they get close to their weight goals :-)... Two is a new hair cut and new attitude -- I got all my hair cut off and will post a picture soon, I also have a much happier attitude towards where I am going... and number Three (this is the big one) --- I have gone on some dates (YAY!!!)... not something I have done since like high school :-)... now my next post will go into some of the dates... this is where it will get funny and you guys will really want to tune in :-)

enjoy your day

Have you ever......?

Have you ever felt like life was moving on around you at regular speed, yet you were going in slow motion... almost "movie-like"?

Have you ever wondered what could possibly be around the next corner of your life waiting on you? Will it be the big break you need or something else that feels it "just knocks the breath out of you"?

Have you ever questioned "why me"?

Do you know the grass isn't greener on the other side, but feel that maybe "brown" grass is what you want for a while?

Have you ever been so scared, yet so calm at the same time?

Have you ever wondered why not everyone has a copy of "what's right or wrong" rule book?

Have you ever thought that your just not strong enough to do what is "right"... not for everyone else but for your own self?

Have you ever truly STOPPED to enjoy the beauty of life?

Have you woke up and realized that you cannot guarantee any activity on any day?

Have you stopped today and told the ones you LOVE, "I LOVE YOU !!!"? If not stop reading this ... hunt your loved ones down in person and on phone... tell them you love them like there is no tomorrow...

There is one thing we all have and that is the PRESENT moment... there is one thing we all abuse and that is the PRESENT moment... the time is now to make a difference, and make sure that friends and family know you love them... because while we never fully understand what the reasons behind events are--- whether they are GREAT or tragic events --- we do understand that we can't guarantee tomorrow. Today and now is the best time to do what is in your heart, and make sure your loved ones are LOVED.

Back by Popular Demand!!!

Oh Yeah! I'm bringing blogging back to this page .... hehehehe. Okay maybe not popular demand, but it was requested to update. And I have made it through the busy times that kept me from blogging... atleast for now anyway. This one will be short though...just a little food for thought.

Here is a quote I wrote during my quiet time:

To take, I am grateful.
To give, I am blessed.

Is it harder for you to take, rather then give? It is for me... but I think I solved that mystery.... we all are blessed and are filled with joy when we FEEL BLESSED... therefore we like to do things that bless us not just make us grateful... plus it's always hard to accept the fact that there are times that we, too, need to be cared for... so that we can care for others.

Okay there is you food for thought.... holla at u soon :-) .

And I Thank You too Jesus!

Thank you Jesus for being the sacrifice…
I did not know then what you did for me…
But now I know you saved my life.

Thank you Jesus for your love…
Always present, warm, and comfy…
You embrace me from above.

Thank you Jesus for the Bible…
With Your word as my guide…
My walk shall never be idle.

Thank you Jesus for rising again…
So that in prayer I can always confide…
And be free from all my sin.

Hallelujah!
Say Amen!
Thank you Jesus,
Father, Brother, and Friend.

Thank you Jesus for all the blessing bestowed upon me. Thank you for the chance to teach others about your love, leadership, and passion. Thank you for all the inspiring people from all walks of life you have surrounded me with. Thank you for being there through all the trying times that have made me into the person I am today. I love you!!!!

This Post is for You!!

Have you ever noticed when you remember to be thankful? It's usually around holiday's, during tramatic events, during joyous events...and occasionally it's everyday :-). I try to teach Bree`na manners... yes ma'am; no ma'am; yes sir; no sir; thank you; your welcome; etc...and I think she understands very well what it means to have manners and be truly grateful and kind to others -- she is a kid and occasionally has her moments as well --- we allow them for now :-)... I too use these manners-- and at work I get big grief for it, especially from the guys -- but I don't think I say thank you to the people who inspire my life nearly in the manner I should... so in the spirit of being thankful here goes:

--> To my daughter... thank you for all you have taught me. I learn through your eyes, heart, and words. The world never seemed so BIG until you came... and now I can't wait to explore and change it with you. Thank you for allowing me to grow with you. Thanks for listening to me even when you don't want to, it makes me very happy. Thank you for waking up everyday and telling me you love me, give me hugs and kisses, and then doing it all over again before going to bed. Thank you for taking this walk with Christ with me, and teaching me things I may have overlooked along my walk so far. I love you!!!!

--> To my parents... thank you for being great parents. Guiding me to be the best I can be in all I set out to do... there is nothing I cannot accomplish with the foundation you guys began for me. Thanks for loving me and teaching me how to love back. Thanks for teaching me fear comes with worry and worry only leads to headaches. Thanks for all you have doneand will do for Bree`na. Thanks for being accepting of my graces and my faults... loving me at all times. I love you!!!

-->To my sister, Kristyna... thank you for fighting with me :-). Thanks for letting me learn from your walk...sharing things with me so I too can grow with them. Thanks for your praises and guidance at times. Thanks for your love, anger, and drama ;-). Thanks for letting me be part of Skylar's life... she is beautiful, loving, and just like you. :-) I love you!!!

--> To my sister, Amber... thank you for being you...quiet, loveable, and supportive. Thanks for teaching me all that you have. Thanks for the long nights, and not making me worry too much. I hope that you will continue to join us at church and begin your growth again... thank you for keeping close, and allowing me to be part of Isabell's life...she is a precious doll, and quiet like you :-). I love you guys!!

--> To my Pastor... thank you for following your heart and coming to my side of town. Thank you for getting up every Sunday (even sick) and teaching me. Thank you for your "pete-isms". Thank you for still allowing me to teach your litte one (sometimes both of them :-) ). Thank you for helping me and my daughter grow. I look forward to learning so much more from you. We love you!!!

--> To my friend Hollie... thank you for your kindness, friendship, knowledge, ear, and encouragement. Thank you for teaching me more about being a parent (you just don't know you are), a strong-minded woman, passion, and what un-ending kindness is. Thanks for helping me in my walk. Thank you also for your little ones, teaching them has been a blessing . I know I will have much more to thank you for as the years go by :-), and I look forward to everyone of those moments. We also love you!!

--> To my friend Heidi...thank you for "straight-up", "keep it real" wisdom :-). Thank you for the many laughs delivered and the ones yet to come. Thank you for the introduction to VL GNO :-). Okay so these thank you's make you sound like the entertainer :-) ... thank you for your testimony shared and the teachings delivered to me so far. I have enjoyed growing with your knowledge and "but Brandi's"... I hope for much, much, much more!!And thank you for Ava she too teaches me.... Love you too!!!

--> To my friend Jenn "I Q-U-I-T"... thank you for the many Sundays you help me. Thank you for showing me your passion-- for Christ, the kids, and life. Thanks for showing me what endurance is. Thanks for the many talks of encouragement, and the many more to come. I know we will have many more talks, and I can only hope that I offer at least half of what you offer to me. Love You!!!

--> To my friend Melissa... hmm where to start... :-) ... thank you for teaching me to teach the kids and allowing me to continue to teach them. Thanks for showing me your outlook, and adding perspective to my walk. Thanks for the mid-week calls and listening to me blab about boring things (ie: work) :-) . Thanks for the hugs and the caring and kindness you have shown me from day way. And of course thank you too for your little ones... teaching them has been fun (and will continue to be). Love you!!!

--> To my friends, Jen and Brian... although only Jen will read this. Thank you both for all you have taught me. Thanks for the "check-ins" and the encouragement. Thanks for the passion you guys both put into your relationships and teachings. I look forward to learning so much more from you both. Love you guys!!!

--> To my friends Katie, and Cody... while our friendship is still new... thank you for the example you have set for me.... thank you for the testimony's you have shared, and the encouragement offered (directly and indirectly)... Thank you for the "torch" that keeps burning bright and offers guidance. I can't wait to learn so much more from you guys. We love you too!!

--> To my many other friends thank you all for being part of my life... you all play an important part-- whether I learn from you or you learn from me. I am so looking forward to so much more learning, good times, bad times, and times of love. I love you all!!!!!

Searching for something I physically couldn't see, I stumbled blindly through everyday. Now that I have found you, and I am learning and being guided by your word, I see everything brighter. I take each breath one at a time. I hear each word as a song. You speak to me through your Book, other's testimony, and prayer. I only hope that other's can hear as well as I can. I open my heart and mind to let your word in, so that I might be able to teach other's that your LOVE is bright, and it only gets brighter the more open we are.

Help me to lead other's to You, for You have been my ROCK. Your love is unconditional and Your word is music to a deaf ear.

Prayer is more than closing your eyes and getting on your knees. Prayer is your quiet time...your time to speak one on one with your Maker. Use prayer when you feel concerned... use it for praise... use it for a reality check... because there is only ONE that has ears bigger than earth, and a shoulder wider then the distance from here to the sun. And this ONE that I talk of is the one who paints that pathway of your life, even if you stray off path He is always there for you. Remember that the next time someone speaks differently to you and weakens or angers you...and stand strong for Him, as he always does for you.

Do you count your change?

When you pay for you clothes, food, accessories...etc.... do you count your change?

I went through a drive through for breakfast today... paid for my food and got my change... I always count my change (even the "cents") to make sure I was not given more. Today this person was trying something and put 20 extra dollars in their till and gave 20 customers 1 extra dollar to see how many people actually counted their change... I was the only person out of 20 to notice an extra dollar and give it back. I have done this many times where I have been given extra and I always give it back--- it tends to amaze the other person after you give it back -- but at the same time while you count they get aggravated. So I tried to think about this today...what does "counting my change" say about me? Does this mean I don't trust people? If my change "cents" is short I never complain-- if I am missing dollars I might say something ---but it's usually always over "changed". I think I actually trust people, maybe too much, but I think the counting the change piece actually is the part of me that cares for others... when you are responsible for a till if you are over or under at count down you get wrote up... you get wrote up quicker if you are always over (means you are taking from a lot of patrons). I do count my change because I am afraid that I am taking money that is not mine --- and like I said I tend to get extra money all the time...Now is this a test of if I will take the money knowingly and not say anything or return it -- or is it a sign that good fortune is being bestowed upon me--- hmmm idk, but I don't feel right in walking away with change that really wasn't mine.

I have happened upon a 100 dollar bill on my car door when leaving the cardiologist office once... I looked around for an owner but seen no one--- I did keep this one... I put it in a book and forgot about it for almost a year until I picked up the book to read again :-).

Okay kind of got off topic... but I do think I trust people, I don't know why I count my change :-).

Do you count yours?

Adding to the last post

So here is he link again just in case it doesn't pop up for you when you click on the title of the previous post

http://www.addictinggames.com/theimpossiblequiz.html

oh and i got past 56....YAYAYAYAYAY

Need a quick break from reality and just have some challenging fun??? Try THIS!!!

definitely addictive... I have made it to 56 and can't seem to get by it.... I really had to walk away